long i know. but worth it.

this morning i walked around the cemetery. dont get freaked out. i did not go out with the intentions of ending up there. i just... did. it was strange. but so good. i woke up this morning, saw what a beautiful day it was, and decided to go for a walk. grabbed the ipod and the sneaks and went to walkin. i didnt get very far when i came to the cemetery. when i say i didnt get very far i mean i literally walked across the street and saw the entrance. my dorm building is directly across the street from this cemetery that i look out my window and see every morning. the funny thing is that ive never really stopped to realize "oh hey, thats a cemetery." odd. anyways, i stood across the street waiting to cross thinking to myself "it'd be rather interesting/weird/totally random to walk around over there..." And as the smooth and wonderful vocal stylings of bon iver were runnin through my ears, i just started walkin across the street, through the entrance, past the gates and into the cemetery i found myself. you might already be weirded out, and thats ok because i was too. i kept thinking "is this like.... allowed? is there something wrong with me?" but i just kept going. i started off staying on the path, just kinda looking at things as i walked by. and then, to my right, i saw one of the vases holding flowers that had fallen over. naturally i stepped off the path onto the grass to go pick it up and i hesitated... "ok, this is definitely NOT ok. walking on the grass. bad move." then i realized, people have to walk here anyway to setup these floral arrangements and come visit their loved ones. so once again, i kept on truckin. as i knelt down to pick up the flowers, i couldnt help but read the name and info on the tombstone. it was like this weird connection with them, like i was doing them a favor picking up something they'd dropped. even weeeeiiiirrrdder i know. i promise im not a psycho, just keep reading. so from there on it started this thing where i stayed on the path until i saw another floral arrangement or sign or something that had fallen over. then i would go on the grass and pick it up, passing by the different tombstones and reading about the various people who had passed. i wasnt finding this whole thing very emotional until i saw a tombstone that caught my eye. it was just this simple flat marble, picture/writing engraved headstone that, under the name and other information, read "husband, father, and grandfather." im still not exactly sure what caused such an emotional reaction to this because its not like that is a rare phrase for tombstones, but i just started sobbing. something about the thought of this man in all three of those different stages of life just brought me to tears. not necessarily all tears of sadness, some were of joy and peace from knowing that this man got to experience those wonderful roles throughout his life. thoughts of my future husband, dad, and grandfathers also came into my mind. as i found myself reading more and more of the tombstones, i also found myself relating these people more and more to my own life. i didnt even know them! but for some reason, i had this strong urge to pay attention to them today. to learn from them. you might still be reading this (props if you are) and still be thinking im a freak. ehh i guess its cool. what i did today was not normal or something that most would consider "peaceful"... but for some weird reason it WAS for me today. as i walked around the cemetery today, God consistently reminded me that i am His, and i have a purpose. i just so badly wanted to know the life stories of each of the people there today, and to know THEIR purpose. but its a beautiful mystery. that we are all here for something He wants done. and when that IS done, that i will forever be with Him in harmony and unity. i still wouldnt say that cemeteries are a fun or exciting place to be, they are not. but after today i guess i look at them differently. they remind me of the life i am living and the purpose it has. now you didnt think i was gonna post all this and NOT give you some pictures did you? well if you did, think again homies:

i found this bright yellow fake flower on the ground and stuck it on all these dead branches and stems that were surrounding this really old grave. it was like... a little sunshine.

if you read this entire thing... i dont know how you did it. you amaze me. i really didnt intend to go on this long. sorry about that. i should really just stick to the photos huh?